My Philosophy
We are living in the middle of wars, pandemics and climate crises. We are living with increasingly violent gaps between the privileged and the marginalised. We are living with complex traumas of multiple isms – patriarchy, colonialism, capitalism, racism, casteism, communalism etc. This is our context, for better or for worse. A decade ago, a friend asked me – this may be true – but what can you do about it?
I have stayed with that question for a long time, and continue to ponder it. As I understand it, the only thing I can truly act on is myself. I have, therefore, spent that decade learning, reframing and embodying my context so that I can now name my philosophy. Here are three aspects that answer the question ‘what can we do?’ –
Reparent Ourselves
We are the outcome of intergenerational trauma. The cultures, philosophy and community lives of our ancestors were trampled under systems of oppression that looked to homogenize people while centering profit as the final goal. Unfortunately, this system benefited no one because the privileged ended up isolated and guilty, the marginalized ended up angry and resourceless. In order to move forward from this moment, no matter what each of our unique personal recipe of marginalisation and privilege may be, we must learn to reparent ourselves.
We must learn to tell ourselves that we are inherently good and enough. That there is abundance in the world for all of the planet’s beings to have enough resources – as long as we are not hoarding and behaving as if there is limitless wealth. We must learn to communicate with each other healthily and safely. We must learn to be kind to ourselves and each other at the same time, whatever that negotiation looks like. We must learn to forgive and release. We must learn to make space for joy and pleasure. We must learn to rest. We must learn to draw boundaries kindly. These may not be things we received as inheritance, but we must make them our legacy so that future generations can benefit from our foundational philosophy and live sustainably and happily on a symbiotic planet.
Embody Safety
While the philosophy of peace and harmony sounds beautiful, there is some deep inner work that we need to do to arrive at peaceful ways of living with our whole bodies. When we have been raised with trauma, scarcity, competition and comparison, values of collaboration and abundance can seem threatening. Receiving pleasure can feel like a shock to a body that is only used to pain.
In order to safely arrive at our destination of joy, we must titrate our experience – to speak in chemistry terms. Titration is the process of adding balancing ingredients, drop by drop, in a chemical reaction – to slowly reach the tipping point when the equation is balanced.
In the case of traumatised bodies, we must move incrementally, step by step, so as not to re-traumatise ourselves by experiencing too much of a good or bad thing. When we give our bodies time to adjust to new realities and habit patterns, we can rewire our traumatized systems to accept and embrace abundance and joy. Research on neuroplasticity tells us that our nervous systems are plastic enough, flexible enough, to change greatly over time, based on the new patterns that we draw for ourselves. By slowly creating new pathways for our nervous systems, we can move towards feeling safe and natural in our own bodies.
Reimagine our Collective Futures
It is important, when we turn away from unhealthy behaviours, to also have dreams, visions and intentions towards the futures we want to imagine for ourselves. This involves not just our individual selves as has been taught to us by the capitalistic ideal, but all flora, fauna, fungi and other kin. We must keep learning, sharing and growing our imaginations to include what life could look like if there was enough – enough food, enough shelter, enough time, enough energy for everyone. What would we build if we weren’t constantly threatened by competition and comparison? If we weren’t trying to hoard an unlimited amount of wealth for some unforeseen future? If we could trust each other to have our backs, and rely on each other for all things big and small? What if we embodied the philosophy of symbiosis? Where we direct our attention, our intention grows.
What would the world look like if each of us set aside expectations of war, backstabbing, selfishness and greed, and moved towards generative outcomes? You may remind me that human nature includes darkness – and of course it does – so what would it look like to embrace that darkness and work on it together without trying to repress it in a prison-industrial complex?
Dancing between the lines
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One extreme is Spiritual Bypassing, with belief in unconditional positivity, which doesn’t believe in reparation work or acknowledge pre-existing intergenerational trauma. By over-focusing on affirmations and positive values, this culture of social change can often overlook the trauma of multitudes of intersectional populations.
Another extreme is Hair-trigger Call Out culture, which focuses on the harm that has been done, and thrives on calling out harmful behaviours. By over-focusing on the negative aspects of history, this culture of social change can often be exhausted, angry and despairing.
What would it look like to inhabit the grey areas on this spectrum and work with a balanced philosophy towards each specific context?
Growing towards balance and safety
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“No one is healed in isolation.”
– bell hooks –
Building Inclusive Spaces
If you’ve ever…
Wanted to feel safe, yet not had the vocabulary to articulate this primal need
Felt alone to the bone, wanting someone to see you simply for what you are
Felt not good enough because you were constantly comparing yourself with other people
Felt exhausted even after trying your best, and beat yourself up for it (even though it was never your fault)
Known that things could be different, but you haven’t been able to put your finger on how to get there
Dreamt of a life that is more YOU, with a community that sees you without judging you
Know that you are not alone. There is time and space and safety for you.